You cant fix a broken heart, only fill the void
by xXthatoneinsanechickXx
Summary: Laying there in silence with her, he finally figured it out. He wasn't sure why it took him so long to see the truth. He loved her. But it just wasn't meant to be. Dirk/Roxy oneshot, might continue with a second chapter if response is good.


They had a love-hate relationship. Love, because they loved to fuck. Hate, because love was the furthest thing from either of their minds when he practically pounded her into the bed while she screamed in ecstasy and raked her nails down his back. They loved the thrill. The thought of not getting caught. After all. Her boyfriend wouldn't want to hear about this.

The sex was so much better then.

With her, it always starts with pictures. Provocative ones that show off her nicely sculpted body, sexy ones of her in her lingerie, but the ultimatum is him thrusting into her just the way that he does.

With him, he kicks it off with a text. A very simple text with 1 word. 'Sex.'. The foreplay assumes from there. They could flirt back and forth for hours both thinking that they're playing by the rules of their own game, but really, he knows she wont say no.

It was always a thrill as soon as they both step into a room. They always got the same one at the same hotel. Room 194, with its swanky lights and king sized bed. One thing leads to another and soon, both of them would be stripped down to the bare essentials and ready and aching for each other.

He sits on the bed, bare chested and already tempting her with his eyes, while she watches him like a tiger stalking its prey. Then, she slowly inches towards him, tentatively sinking into his lap and breathing in his scent.

There was just something comforting about his smell to her that just drove her wild, and made her feel at home at the very same time.

She laces her fingers behind his neck as her hips begins their slow rhythmic circle in his lap, drinking in the soft exhales from him. She knows what he likes. She kisses him lightly on his jawline that she loves so much, and makes her way down. Just as she bucks her hips just right, he moans lowly into her ear, hot and heavy just in the way he knows she loves. She could eat up all the noises and sounds that he makes any day.

He hisses through his teeth as she slides off him and finally paws at this member with her palm, as those lovely lips of hers part to form a smile. That same wicked grin that they had as children. He let her fondle him for a while, just remembering the way that only she can rub him, knowing that this would be their last night together. With him flying off to America the next, and her moving to the UK.

Then, he drags her up and she squeals as she is hoisted up from the floor and on to the bed. She feels as her breath leaves her and feels his heated mouth against hers, effectively stealing her breath once more. She moves into the kiss as though the contact was the only way to get air, and in a way it was.

Being with him was like being set free. There were no boundaries. No limits. No pointless text and whatever neediness that either of them had, they knew the other would be there to fulfil them.

'So why?' She asks herself, as his hands travel further down south, while his mouth does wicked things to her collar bone.

"Why do I feel like this isnt just about sex?" She whispers softly, so soft that he almost missed it. He hums as though in thought, but nibbles on her shoulder in a way that he knows drives her crazy, her other hand skimming her breast and eliciting a sigh from her.

When his eyes finally glace back at hers, hes shocked to find tears in them. All at once, his world stops spinning around his cock and he feels his heart pull. He always hated seeing her cry.

'God why now? This is such a turn off…' He curses in his head, but his heart says something else. Something swells beneath the surface of his chest and as if on instinct, he brushes away the stray tear from her face and she flinches. She wasn't even aware that she was tearing up.

"Whats wrong?" He asks, thumbing away at another tear and shes shocked to see the genuine worry in his eyes. The sight pulls at her heartstrings and gives her hope that maybe the stupid crush she might actually have on him really is something different. That hes not just an asshole that everyone knows him to be. That he isnt a womanizer. That he really genuinely cares about her.

But he doesn't. Or that's what she thinks anyway. All she really is to him is another hot body to bang and leave in the morning.

"It doesn't matter." She whispers, as she pulls him back down on top of her, effectively smothering him into the pillow. Its not like she could force him to love her. Love just didn't work that way.

His first thought was how nice she smelt. Had she always smelt like this? Like vanilla and cinnamon and a little bit of sweat. Or maybe that was just him. Then he felt her shiver underneath him, her small form absolutely covered by his own. He never realised how small she was. He wrapped his arms around her and felt her stiffen before melting into his embrace.

Does her boyfriend hold her like this? He hoped so. He knew how much she liked hugs. For some reason, he really just wanted to lay here. Just to prolong the inevitable. They both had to leave in the morning and that would be that. They wouldn't ever see each other again. He hated the thought, and he couldn't bear it but it had to be done. They couldn't keep going on like this in secret. Sometimes it was easier to let her go than it was to keep her. No matter how much it hurt him, the only way for they to be together was if he took her as his.

But that was a foolish thought. She deserves better. Deserves a man that will treat her right. Just that like scumbag arsehole shes with now.

He lifts off her and looks deep into her eyes. Every time hes with her, there is only love in them. He doesn't know what she sees in him. He doesn't know what he sees in her either. Something just pulls him towards her, like shes the centre of his universe and everything just gyrates around her.

He leans down to capture her mouth in a kiss so bittersweet it broke his heart. It did, and it shouldn't, and he doesn't know why.

Her heart was aching as he took her as he always did, but this time, he did it slowly. As he rocked into her, she could feel his heartbeat –oh so close- to hers and she wondered if he could feel it too. She wondered if he knew how her heart beats for him.

When they both finished, they lay in the darkness of the room, facing each other, but they were already worlds apart. They breaths intermingled with each other's and he swore, he saw the light in her eyes leave. He had lost her once already, and he was about to lose her forever this time.

It hurt him somewhere deep within his heart. Laying there in silence with her, he finally figured it out. He wasn't sure why it took him so long to see the truth.

He loved her. But it just wasn't meant to be.

* * *

 **AN: Hey guys! This really isnt a fanfic, but I just wanted to get it out there. This was my personal experience with a friends with benefit and I guess my own personal twist on it. If you wanna leave some comments down below and ask any questions or something do feel free! I'm really open about these kinda things to knock yourself out!**


End file.
